.. eat the cookie .. buy the shoes ..

GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION TO LIGHTEN UP!

MEMBERI IJIN PADA DIRI SENDIRI UNTUK MENJADI RIANG!

CHAPTER 1 – The Cookie

BAB 1 - Sebuah Kue Kering

It was Saturday afternoon in St. Louis, Missouri, during our 2007 annual autumn women’s convention, and we were on a brief lunch break preceding the final session at the conference. This is one of the most significant events that our ministry sponsors. It is attended by thousands of women from all over the world, and it requires a tremendous amount of hard work, creativity and preparation. The three day conference begins on Thursday evening, and by the Saturday lunch break, I’m usually mentally physically and emotionally tired. This particular event seems to take a lot out of me for several reasons. By the last session, I feel a great deal of responsibility to be sure that the conference ends in a way that leaves our attendees energized and very glad they came.

Saat itu Sabtu sore di St. Louis, Missouri, pada kongres wanita tahunan kami, di musim gugur 2007, dan kami memasuki waktu istirahat makan siang singkat sebelum sesi akhir di konferensi tersebut. Ini adalah salah satu peristiwa paling penting yang disponsori oleh organisasi  kami. Acara ini dihadiri oleh ribuan wanita dari seluruh dunia, dan membutuhkan sejumlah besar kerja keras, kreativitas dan persiapan. Konferensi tiga hari ini dimulai pada hari Kamis malam, dan menjelang istirahat makan siang hari Sabtu, saya biasanya secara mental dan emosional lelah. Peristiwa khusus ini sepertinya banyak menguras diri saya karena beberapa alasan. Pada sesi terakhir, saya merasa bertanggung jawab untuk memastikan bahwa konferensi berakhir dan dapat membuat peserta kami bersemangat dan sangat senang karena mereka telah menghadirinya.

We had enjoyed a small lunch, and I was gathering all of my strength getting ready to go to the platform and bring the conference to a fantastic finish. Dave and I were leaving the lunch room when I saw a plate of chocolate chip cookies I had passed by when I was selecting my lunch from the buffet. As I saw them this time I thought,” I really want (need) a little piece of one of those cookies." I stopped at the table and broke off about one third of one of the cookies and ate it. As we proceeded to the platform Dave said "Did you just eat part of that cookie?"

Kami menikmati makan siang kecil kami, dan saya mengumpulkan semua kekuatan saya, bersiap untuk naik ke mimbar dan membawa konferensi ini selesai secara fantastis. Dave dan saya meninggalkan ruang makan dan saat saya melihat sepiring kue choco chip yang saya lewati saat saya memilih makan siang prasmanan kami. Ketika saya melihat kue ini saya berpikir, "Saya benar-benar ingin (membutuhkan) sepotong kecil dari kue-kue itu." Saya berhenti di meja dan memecah sekitar sepertiga dari salah satu kue dan memakannya. Saat kami melanjutkan berjalan ke mimbar, Dave berkata "Apakah kamu baru saja makan potongan kue itu?"

His tone of voice was accusing and right away I got defensive. I felt like saying "Chill out... it is just a piece of cookie!"

Nada suaranya menuduh dan  saya langsung bersikap defensif. Saya seperti ingin mengatakan "Santai saja ... itu hanya sepotong kue!"

You might wonder why Dave cared about one third of a cookie. We had recently signed up at a workout facility nine months prior to the convention. We worked out three days a week and had committed to a special eating plan that was rather strict. Four days a week we ate mostly protein and vegetables.

Anda mungkin bertanya-tanya mengapa Dave peduli dengan sepotong kecil kue tadi. Karena kami baru saja mendaftar diri di fasilitas kebugaran sembilan bulan sebelum waktu konvensi itu berlangsung. Kami berolahraga tiga hari dalam seminggu dan telah berkomitmen pada pola makan khusus yang agak ketat. Empat hari dalam seminggu kami makan dengan sebagian besar  menu protein dan sayuran.

The fifth day was called a "free day" because we got to eat one meal consisting of anything we wanted to eat. Usually on that day we ate pasta and/or dessert. We were free to eat whatever we wanted during that one meal as long as we got right back on our eating plan the next day. Our free day for that week was the following day and Dave had challenged me because I had eaten the piece of cookie on the wrong day.

Hari kelima disebut "hari bebas" karena kami boleh makan satu kali makanan yang terbuat dari apapun yang ingin kami makan. Biasanya pada hari itu kami makan pasta dan / atau makanan penutup seperti buah kue, agar-agar dll. Kami bebas makan apa pun yang kami inginkan selama satu kali asalkan kami kembali ke rencana makan kami kembali keesokan harinya. Hari bebas kami untuk minggu itu adalah hari berikutnya dan Dave menantang saya karena saya telah memakan kue pada hari yang salah.

In his own words he was only trying to help me. But I didn’t want help or advice. I wanted the cookie! I was tired l had come a long way in the conference and I needed something to get me to the finish line. I didn’t care what it was but it needed to be fun, pretty, or sweet. And the cookie happened to be the first thing I saw that fit that description. Being a man, Dave does not understand things like that. He is very logical and in his mind, it simply wasn’t the right day to eat the cookie. He wanted me to know that I would be sorry after I ate it. However, I was not the least bit sorry. I felt that I deserved it, and in the same set of circumstances I would do it again!

Dengan kata-katanya sendiri dia sebetulnya berusaha menolongku. Tapi saya tidak mau bantuan atau saran. Saya ingin kue itu! Saya lelah, saya telah menempuh perjalanan panjang dalam acara konferensi itu dan saya memerlukan sesuatu untuk membawa saya ke garis finish. Saya tidak peduli apa itu tapi perlu suatu yang menyenangkan, cantik, atau manis. Dan kue itu kebetulan merupakan hal pertama yang saya lihat yang sesuai dengan deskripsi itu. Sebagai pria, Dave tidak mengerti hal seperti itu. Dia sangat logis dan dalam pikirannya, itu bukan hari yang tepat untuk memakan kue itu. Dia ingin saya tahu bahwa saya akan menyesal setelah memakannya. Namun, saya sama sekali tidak sedikit pun menyesal. Saya merasa bahwa saya pantas mendapatkannya, dan dalam situasi yang sama saya akan melakukannya lagi!

My friend saw what was happening between me and Dave, and having compassion and understanding she put her arm around my shoulder and said "You deserve that cookie and if I were you when this last session is over I would go buy a pair of shoes to go with it!" (She knows I like shoes.) She totally understood that the cookie was meeting an emotional need of mine.

Teman saya melihat apa yang terjadi antara saya dan Dave, dengan belas kasih dan pengertian dia memeluk bahuku dan berkata "Anda layak mendapatkan kue itu dan jika saya menjadi Anda saat sesi terakhir ini berakhir, saya akan lanjutkan dengan membeli sepasang sepatu! (Dia tahu saya menyukai sepatu.) Dia benar-benar mengerti bahwa kue itu memenuhi kebutuhan emosional saya.

Being a left-brained male, Dave didn’t get it at all. I went onstage and made a joke out of it, like I usually do about most of the things that happen between Dave and me and everyone enjoyed it immensely. Actually the ladies cheered so long and loud and were so happy for me that I had eaten the cookie that I began to realize that there was a larger issue involved in the eating of the cookie that needed to be explored.

Sebagai pria yang selalu menggunakan belahan otak kiri, Dave sama sekali tidak mengerti. Saya naik ke atas panggung dan membuat lelucon dari kejadian itu, seperti yang biasa saya lakukan tentang sebagian besar hal yang terjadi antara Dave dan saya dan semua orang sangat menikmatinya. Setelah memperhatikan bahwa para wanita menanggapi dengan bersorak begitu lama dan nyaring dan sangat bahagia karena saya telah memakan kue itu, kemudian saya mulai menyadari bahwa ada masalah yang lebih besar yang terkait dari pada hanya tentang memakan kue yang perlu dipelajari.

That’s how the idea for this book was birthed. Interestingly enough, when the teaching about the cookie aired on "Enjoying Everyday Life" it was so well received that it was voted the favorite program of the year by the people who watch the broadcast. Obviously, I’d struck a nerve.

Begitulah ide kelahiran buku ini. Yang cukup menarik, ketika pengajaran tentang kue ini ditayangkan di "Enjoying Everyday Life" itu diterima dengan sangat baik sehingga terpilih sebagai program favorit tahun ini oleh orang-orang yang menonton siaran tersebut. Jelaslah saya kemudian menemukan keberanian.

There are times when we all need to eat the cookie and buy the shoes in order to help us finish what we have started or as a way of celebrating something we have accomplished. Your cookie and shoes can be anything that you enjoy. It can be a favorite food, a nap, a manicure or pedicure. If you are a brave man reading this book, you can play golf, go fishing, go to a ball game, or whatever helps you rest and refreshes you. You may even be a man who likes manicures, pedicures, and bubble baths, or a woman who likes to get out tools and build something amazing.

Ada kalanya kita semua perlu makan 'kue dan membeli sepatu' untuk membantu kita menyelesaikan apa yang telah kita mulai atau sebagai cara untuk merayakan sesuatu yang telah kita capai. 'Kue dan sepatu' Anda bisa jadi sesuatu yang Anda sukai. Ini mungkin dengan makan makanan favorit, tidur siang, manikur atau pedikur. Jika Anda adalah pria dan cukup berani membaca buku ini, mungkin 'kue dan sepatu' Anda bisa dengan bermain golf, pergi memancing, pergi ke permainan bola, atau apa pun yang membantu Anda beristirahat dan menyegarkan diri Anda. Anda bahkan mungkin pria yang menyukai manikur, pedikur, dan mandi di bak mandi busa, atau bisa juga wanita yang suka kegiatan pertukangan dengan alat-alat untuk membuat sesuatu yang menakjubkan.

We don't have to fit into some society mold. We are free to enjoy anything as long it is not immoral or illegal.

Kita bisa melakukannya dan tidak harus sama dengan cara anggapan umum. Kita bebas menikmati apa pun asalkan bukan hal yang tidak bermoral atau ilegal.

I sincerely wish that the male species was more understanding about the cookies in life, but most of them just don’t seem to get it. Dave fully intended to go hit his golf balls Saturday evening, which is his way of relaxing and celebrating a job well done. But he still had the nerve to comment about my cookie! It isn’t fair that cookies have calories and golf balls don’t. If every golf ball Dave hit had ten calories, he would weigh a thousand pounds!

Saya dengan tulus berharap agar para spesies jantan lebih memahami tentang 'kue' dalam hidup, tapi kebanyakan dari mereka sepertinya tidak memahaminya. Dave telah bermaksud untuk bermain golf Sabtu malam, yang merupakan cara dia untuk bersantai dan merayakan pekerjaan yang telah diselesaikan dengan baik. Tapi dia masih berani berkomentar tentang 'kue' saya! Hal ini tidak adil; kue mengandung kalori dan bola golf tidak. Jika setiap bola golf yang Dave pukul memiliki sepuluh kalori, berat Dave akan seribu pound!

Dave truly was trying to help me when he commented on the cookie. He loves me immensely and is extremely good to me. But he simply didn’t understand my need at that moment. My friend rescued me from the guilt that could have hounded me that day, and I am thankful to God for using her. l didn’t need guilt as l approached the final session of the convention. I needed the cookie and the thought of shoes later that day!

Dave sebenarnya berusaha menolong saya, saat dia berkomentar tentang kue itu. Dia sangat mencintai saya dan sangat baik pada saya. Tapi dia sama sekali tidak mengerti kebutuhan saya pada saat itu. Teman saya menyelamatkan diri saya dari rasa bersalah yang bisa-bisa membuat saya membenci diri sendiri hari itu, dan saya bersyukur kepada Tuhan karena telah menggunakan teman saya. Saya tidak perlu mengalami rasa bersalah saat saya memasuki sesi akhir konvensi tersebut. Saya membutuhkan kue itu dan kemudian memikirkan juga tentang sebuah sepatu hari itu juga!

“Sadly, if we are not confident about our choices, we can easily let other peoples’ comments make us feel guilty and ruin the joy we need to experience in life through doing the little things that mean a lot to us.”

"Sedihnya, jika kita tidak yakin dengan pilihan kita, kita bisa
dengan mudah membiarkan komentar orang lain membuat kita merasa bersalah dan menghancurkan sukacita yang perlu kita alami dalam hidup dengan melakukan hal-hal kecil yang sangat berarti bagi kita."

We're Not Built For Guilt

Kita Diciptakan Bukan Untuk Merasa Tertekan (karena perasaan bersalah)

Making people feel guilty about anything is not God’s mode of operation. The source of guilt is the devil. He is the accuser of the brethren, according to the Bible (see Rev. 12:10). God will convict us of wrong choices and actions, but He never tries to make us feel guilty. Guilt presses us down and weakens us, but godly conviction brings awareness of wrong, and an opportunity to change and progress.

Membuat orang merasa bersalah akan semua hal bukanlah cara kerja Tuhan. Sumber rasa bersalah adalah iblis. Dia adalah sang penuduh anak manusia (saudara-bersaudara), menurut Alkitab (lihat Wahyu 12:10). "Dan aku mendengar suara yang nyaring di surga berkata: "Sekarang telah tiba keselamatan  dan kuasa dan pemerintahan Allah kita, dan kekuasaan Dia yang diurapi-Nya, karena telah dilemparkan ke bawah pendakwa saudara-saudara kita , yang mendakwa mereka siang dan malam di hadapan Allah kita. Tuhan akan meyakinkan kita tentang pilihan dan tindakan yang salah, tapi Dia tidak pernah mencoba membuat kita merasa bersalah. Rasa bersalah menekan kita dan melemahkan kita, namun keyakinan dari yang Ilahi membawa kesadaran akan kesalahan, dan kesempatan untuk berubah dan maju.

God never intended His children to be loaded down with guilt, so our systems don't handle it well at all. Had God wanted us to feel guilty, He would not have sent Jesus to redeem us from guilt.
Tuhan tidak pernah menginginkan anak-anak-Nya dibebani dengan rasa bersalah, jadi sistem di dalam kita sama sekali tidak dapat menanganinya. Seandainya Tuhan ingin kita merasa bersalah, Dia tidak akan mengutus Yesus untuk menebus kita dari kesalahan.

He bore, or paid for, our iniquities and the guilt they cause (see Isa. 53:6, 1 Peter 2:24-25). As believers in Jesus Christ and as sons and daughters of God, we have been set free from the power of sin (see Rom. 6:6-10). That doesn't mean that we'll never sin, but it does mean that when we do, we can admit it, receive forgiveness, and be free from guilt. Our journey with God toward right behavior and holiness is progressive, and if we have to drag the guilt from past mistakes along with us, we'll never make progress toward true freedom and joy. Perhaps this is the main reason why so few people actually enter into and enjoy the inheritance promised through relationship with Jesus Christ.

Dia menanggung, atau membayar untuk kesalahan kita dan rasa salah yang timbul (lihat Yes 53: 6,"Kita sekalian sesat seperti domba, masing-masing kita mengambil jalannya sendiri, tetapi TUHAN telah menimpakan kepadanya kejahatan kita sekalian." 1 Petrus 2: 24-25 "Ia sendiri telah memikul dosa kita di dalam tubuh-Nya di kayu salib,   supaya kita, yang telah mati terhadap dosa, hidup untuk kebenaran. Oleh bilur-bilur-Nya kamu telah sembuh.                               Sebab dahulu kamu sesat seperti domba, tetapi sekarang kamu telah kembali kepada gembala dan pemelihara jiwamu.)

Sebagai orang percaya di dalam Yesus Kristus dan sebagai putra dan putri Allah, kita telah dibebaskan dari kuasa dosa (lihat Roma 6: 6-10). Itu tidak berarti bahwa kita tidak akan pernah berdosa, tapi itu berarti bahwa ketika kita melakukannya, kita dapat mengakuinya, menerima pengampunan, dan terbebas dari rasa bersalah. Perjalanan kita dengan Tuhan menuju perilaku dan kesucian yang benar adalah progresif, dan jika kita harus menyeret kesalahan dari kesalahan masa lalu bersama kita, kita tidak akan pernah membuat kemajuan menuju kebebasan dan kegembiraan sejati. Mungkin inilah alasan utama mengapa begitu sedikit orang benar-benar masuk dan menikmati warisan yang dijanjikan melalui hubungan dengan Yesus Kristus.

It is important that you think about this, because spending time dwelling on past mistakes is something God has told us not to do. He even sent us the Holy Spirit to help us gain freedom in this area. Don't be so intense about every mistake that you make. So what if you're not perfect? Nobody else is either.

Besides, Jesus came for those who were sick (imperfect), not those who were well (perfect).

“Your future has no room for your past. How much time do you waste feeling guilty?”

The Apostle Paul was very emphatic about the need to let go of past mistakes in order to have the strength to press on toward the mark of perfection that God is calling us to. Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has made me His own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet], but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

Philippians 3:12-14

Satan will definitely try to make us feel guilty about our sins, faults, and weaknesses. Even worse, he will try to make us feel guilty when we haven't done anything wrong. Until my friend encouraged me, I was about to feel guilty about eating one-third of a chocolate chip cookie on the wrong day! There was no sin in eating the cookie. We could eat a dozen cookies and it still wouldn't be sin. It would not be a good or a wise choice, but it would not be sin in the true sense of the word. I just needed a little celebration before approaching the finish of my conference, and what I almost got was a dose of guilt, frustration, and resentment-all from a teaspoonful of cookie batter!

I've surveyed many people on this subject and have found that most people feel guilty when they take the opportunity to celebrate. They push themselves to go on with no joy fuel in their tank. Joy is the fuel we need to reach the finish line of an endeavor with a good attitude. We may drive ourselves to finish, but somewhere along the way we will probably become bitter and get a chip on our shoulder if we don't lighten up and take time to celebrate the journey.

I believe that we must confront the reasons why we tend to feel guilty about enjoying and celebrating life when God has clearly ordained and commanded both. Our thinking has been warped in these areas. Satan has managed to deceive us, and by doing so he succeeds in keeping people weary and worn-out, feeling resentful, and taken advantage of because of excessive work and responsibility. We need times of refreshment and recreation as well as work and accomplishment.

I was part of that 80 percent until I decided that I was not built for guilt, and I was not going to continue allowing a renegade feeling to rule my life.

“When I ask large audiences how many people feel guilty

when they try to rest or entertain themselves or even do

things they enjoy, my guess would be that at least 80 percent

of the people raise their hands.”

I studied God's Word about guilt and studied His character and nature until I was totally convinced that God is not the source of guilt. I see guilt as an illegal alien that attacks our mind and conscience, attempting to prevent us from enjoying anything God has provided for us. Guilt has no legal right in our lives because Jesus has paid for our sins and misdeeds. If it is in us illegally, then we need to send it back where it came from-which is hell! Don't give guilt a green card or, even worse, citizenship and allow it to take up residence in you.

I was once addicted lo guilt. The only time in life that I felt right was when I felt wrong. I especially had difficulty enjoying myself because I didn't feel that I deserved it. I was most definitely a person who needed to give myself permission to lighten up and not be so intense about basically everything in life. I was intense about how my children behaved and looked.

I was intense about how my house looked, how I looked, and what people thought of us. I was intense about trying to change my husband into what I thought he should be. I really can't think of anything I wasn't intense about! I remember going to a doctor once because I was exhausted all the time and generally felt horrible. He talked to me five minutes and said, "You are a very intense woman and your problem is stress!" I got offended, left his office and continued on with my intense, stressful lifestyle.

I didn't know how to trust God with daily life. I was out of balance in almost everything and I did not yet realize that celebration and enjoyment are necessary in our lives and we cannot be healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically without them. We must remember that we are not built for guilt, and we should deal with it aggressively anytime we experience it.

The best gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you and you cannot be healthy without celebration being a regular part of your life. You can change the entire atmosphere in your home simply by giving yourself permission to lighten up.